Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
