If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
