Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
