He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
