My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
