True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
