i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
