Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
