Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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