i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
