Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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