Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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