Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
