you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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