have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
