yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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