I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
