i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
