you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
