No stitches, just platelets and will power
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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