I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
