I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
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She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
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All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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