So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My cat gives me a boner
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
