i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
