we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
