My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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