I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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