My brain says no but my pants say off.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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