Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I wish there were birth control emojis
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
