a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
