Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
