Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
