Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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