Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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