the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
