our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
