What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
