We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
