please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
