oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
