Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
