I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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