ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
