I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
