then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
