I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
