i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
if only i could text you this smell
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize