Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
