Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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