wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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