Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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