i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
