brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
