I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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