I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
