i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize