im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
