i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
