Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
they're like a gay fantastic four
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
