I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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