u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
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Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize