Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
